Posted by admin | Posted in Scrapbooking | Posted on 05-11-2009
Tags: black, black diego, black diesel, black diesel exhaust tips, black diesel fuel, black diesel jeans, black diesel shoes, black diesel smoke, black diesel stacks, black diet pills, black tie affair, death, die, funny, humor
Elaine Williams copyright 2008
When my husband was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, he never talked about dying, except in the beginning. I think were afraid to express the worst he could think of not taking this disease. He refused to consider adopting the traditional route in medicine, which was the chemotherapy and radiotherapy. He said that at the beginning of his illness, was certain that the chemotherapy would kill him immediately. When such a diagnosis, you start to take with you a heaviness inside. When someone is concerned, is terminally ill, it dominates your thoughts and all times. Your mind races in different treatments and the last drug trials, in the faint hope that things are not as bad as it seems.
When doctors told him he had testicular cancer, which essentially prevented him from eat, he wanted to operate and remove the largest tumor at the junction of the stomach and esophagus. His doctor said it was a major operation where the ribs should be split, not that he had the ability to run. After more extensive tests were made, the doctors decided not to operate because felt it was good chance that the cancer had already spread to lymph nodes in the region of the esophagus. I did not know, but I guess I should have - they wanted does not work because he felt it was a lost cause.
We do not feel that we should give up - we knew that each human life is a cause worth worth fighting. He never lost hope that he could beat this cancer, even if it has been discovered that almost the last step. I never asked the doctor what stage your cancer was. I think an insulation factor for me emotionally. I was afraid to know. I'm not much research on alternative therapies that could help but I was afraid that traditional medicine have been in the stage of cancer. Maybe it was better that way. If I had known, perhaps he has taken part in the struggle both. We have passed many milestones in our quest for a cure. For me, it does not extend his life he was trying to heal your life and body.
When someone has a terminal illness, you want to keep at all times and that in itself is stressful, even if we really know about the day toll of daily life takes you. Want try all possible means to improve. I wanted my husband to visit a clinic that we have learned in Mexico, where they had a good success rate of treatment of their cancer. I asked the doctor of alternative medicine in the latest treatments for cancer patients. I refused to abandon the hope, especially when smaller tumors that my husband has disappeared, and although it has continued to lose weight. My mother once told me that some women might be left, but I never thought me. How could I think to leave someone like me when I needed?
We have taken note of all the mile markers along the road. Each step later it felt like a winning ride towards the final goal to be completely cured his cancer. I have read many stories about others who had fought against this disease devastating. It was not until three weeks before my husband died, the night I dreamed that I knew he was dying. I'm sure many others knew right along I was dying, but being in the livelihood of the disease was not an option for me. When was the dream of his death, I woke up and knew he was dying. It was so simple.
All hope has turned to despair. And yet, do not talk about him dying. Maybe we should have, I dunno. Maybe not to mention His death for me and my children home. Maybe he was afraid that if I had always been very strong, maybe I saw her come a million pieces. And I could have. I have broken, lost the emotional cement that keep me together in recent weeks. When hope is leaking, emotion and fear can kill you.
Some day I thought there was nothing worse than seeing someone you love waste away from 200 pounds to eighty pounds or two. The spirit and sparkle of her eyes was intact until in the last eight and ten. When you look in the eyes of a loved one and all we see is a blank black glassy, you know it's late. For someone who likes to take control and take other is comfortable, I knew there was noting I could do. He was the most helpless I never remember feeling in my life. The ending has been written, but never talked about the end. I think it was just too difficult.
About the Author:
Elaine Williams is a writer, mother of three and a widow of four years who lives in the scenic Catskill Mountains.
When life threw her some curves, she found herself a widow at forty-seven years of age. After some time and much contemplation, she knew that while her story was intensely personal, it needed to be shared with other women.
Elaine is a writer across various genres. She has been published in women’s fiction, but also enjoys writing children’s books, self-help, non-fiction and screenplays. Elaine is a business owner, actively volunteers in her community and also serves on local committees. http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com
Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Afraid to Talk About Dying
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